Friday, July 21, 2006

There is ALWAYS an Evil Twin...Or is God the Original Human Cloner?

According to the National Right To Life website:
The life of a baby begins long before he or she is born. A new individual human being begins at fertilization, when the sperm and ovum meet to form a single cell. If the baby's life is not interrupted, he or she will someday become an adult man or woman.
End. Of. Story.

So, I had to ask the question, how does this explain identical twins?

If the right-to-lifers are correct in their assumption, then there can be only two answers to the mystery I have dubbed "Identical Multiple Birth Syndrome" (IMBS). Either one of the identical twins is an evil, soulless, spiritless being and most certainly NOT human -OR- God perfected human cloning eons ago (well, close to 6,000 years ago anyway) and, therefore, is in direct violation of HIS OWN WILL.

President Bush stated just this week that,

As we seek to improve human life, we must always preserve human dignity. And therefore, we must prevent human cloning by stopping it before it starts.
Yikes! This is a very tall order. Someone, perhaps the Leader of the Free World, President George W. Bush himself, needs to tell this godless God in no uncertain terms that HE is breaking the will of God. However, one might think that scofflaw God would simply resort to paraphrasing Richard Milhous Nixon, "If God did it, then it is not against HIS WILL."

That then takes us back to the Evil Twin Theory (ETT) and this gets complicated. Numerous questions spring to mind.

How do you figure out which of the two is the evil twin? Do we assume that the first born is the good twin and the second, by default, must therefore be the evil twin? Or do we look for little imperfections, on the assumption that the twin with the more numerous "defects" is the imperfect copy of the original?

Is it morally imperative that we eliminate the evil one? If so, when, where, and how do we terminate the so-called life of this evil being?

If one twin dies while still in the womb, do we assume the good twin is the one still living, or do we assume the evil one must have killed off its "better half"? Thankfully, we've all been exposed to the billboards touting the fact that the unborn have fingerprints early on. Therefore, between society's ability to fingerprint the remaining twin and the serendipitous fact that the evil one is "tied" to the crime scene, it should not have to consume many resources to ID the perpetrator and warehouse it until justice can be handed out.

Special note with an eye to the future: We must ensure our legal system is prepared to try, convict, and deliver the death sentence to the evil one. This is clearly even more important than legislation criminalizing flag-burning. Bill Frist, are you listening?

In these most special of circumstances, Republicans might even begrudgingly agree to spend a few cents per fetus to educate couples contemplating risky IMBS behavior. (Call it a User's fee and tack it onto the hospital bill.) They need to understand that death may well be the final result of any risky fool-hardy, self-inflicted choice they make concerning IMBS. Admonish the couple up front that there will be no money to pay for counseling services once the deed has been done and that there will be no tears of sympathy shed when they lose not one, but both twins. It's their own damn fault for having invited Satan into their bedroom to spawn the Evil one.


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